Menopause, Meaning & Rewiring the Nervous System for Joy
- jcardozalmft
- Sep 2
- 8 min read
How to Reconnect to Pleasure, Agency, and Nervous System Repair—Even in the Wake of Burnout, Trauma, and Hormonal Change
By Julie Cardoza, MS, LMFT, RYT, EMDRIA Approved Consultant
You are not recovering your old life. You are discovering what was always possible beneath the survival strategies.
The Other Side of the Cocoon: From Dissolution to Discovery
If you've been following this series, you've traveled through the science of menopause and the brain, understood the intersection of trauma and hormonal transition, and witnessed the weight of midlife burnout. You've honored the cocoon phase—that necessary dissolution that precedes integration.
The heart of this entire journey: What emerges on the other side?
Perimenopause marks the beginning of this transition. From a medical perspective a woman changes from perimenopausal to postmenopausal in a 24 hour marker named "menopause." That single day on the calendar represents the one day that transitions us to 12 months without a period.
From a trauma informed psychological perspective, an entire neurobiological, developmental and psychospiritual process is occurring.
The neurobiological research is clear: your brain is literally rewiring itself during this transition. What you're experiencing isn't decline—it's adaptive reorganization that can support a more integrated, embodied, and authentic way of being.
The question is: Will you partner with this process, or resist it?
The Neuroscience of Post-Menopausal Possibility
Recent neuroimaging studies reveal something remarkable about the post-menopausal brain. Dr. Lisa Mosconi's research shows that while there are initial metabolic changes during the transition, the brain demonstrates "intelligent adaptations" including:
Gray matter volume recovery in areas crucial for memory and executive function
Enhanced neural connectivity that supports cognitive flexibility
Increased ATP production for sustained brain energy
Compensatory neural networks that can actually improve certain cognitive functions
This isn't wishful thinking—it's measurable brain plasticity. The same neuroplasticity that allows trauma recovery also supports post-menopausal neural renovation.
Your nervous system is not broken. It's reorganizing for embodied being.
Rewiring for Joy: The Science of Positive Neuroplasticity
Here's what trauma-informed neuroscience teaches us: the brain that learned to survive can also learn to thrive. But this requires intentional rewiring of neural pathways that may have been shaped by decades of hypervigilance, people-pleasing, or emotional suppression.
Joy isn't frivolous—it's neurologically essential. Research on positive neuroplasticity shows that experiences of pleasure, meaning, and connection literally reshape brain structure by:
Activating the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest)
Increasing BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor) for neural growth
Balancing neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin
Strengthening prefrontal cortex connections for better emotional regulation
The midlife brain, when supported rather than pushed, becomes remarkably capable of encoding new patterns of safety, pleasure, and agency, and that might be new learning if you have been stuck in a lifetime of survival energies.
From Survival Mode to Sovereignty: The Shift
Many women arrive at menopause having spent decades in various forms of survival mode:
Hypervigilance from unresolved trauma
People-pleasing to maintain safety in relationships
Over-functioning to control unpredictable environments
Emotional suppression to avoid conflict or abandonment
Body disconnection as protection from pain or violation
The hormonal withdrawal of menopause can initially intensify these patterns. But it also creates a neurobiological opening—a window where old neural pathways become more flexible and new ones can be established.
This is where sovereignty becomes possible. Not the isolated, defended kind—but the embodied kind that chooses connection from a place of wholeness rather than wounding.
The Four Pillars of Nervous System Joy
Based on polyvagal theory, trauma neuroscience, and hormonal research, here are four foundational areas for rewiring your nervous system toward joy and agency:
1. Security First: Nervous System Regulation
Whether you prefer the word 'safety" or "security, " joy becomes possible when your nervous system is able to experience consistent sense of secure connection.
In self-care terms this means, nurturing your nervous system through This means:
Daily Regulation Practices:
Breathwork: 4-7-8 breathing or coherent breathing to activate the vagus nerve
Movement: Gentle, rhythmic activities like walking, swimming, or yoga
Nature immersion: 20+ minutes outdoors to reduce cortisol
Mindful transitions: Pausing between activities to regulate activation
Trauma-Informed Approach:
Start with nervous system awareness before emotional processing
Titrate intensity—small doses of activation followed by rest
Honor your window of tolerance—back off when overwhelmed
Co-regulation: Seek safe relationships that help regulate your system
2. Pleasure as Medicine: Reclaiming Sensory Joy
Trauma often creates pleasure disconnection—the inability to receive or enjoy positive sensations. Menopause can intensify this by affecting libido, sensory processing, and reward pathways.
Rebuilding Pleasure Capacity:
Sensory practices: Warm baths, soft textures, beautiful scents
Mindful eating: Slow, conscious consumption of nourishing foods
Creative expression: Art, music, writing, or movement that feels good
Body appreciation: Gentle touch, massage, or self-compassion practices
Sexual and Intimate Wellness:
Honor changes in desire and sensation without judgment
Explore new forms of intimacy that feel authentic now
Communicate needs clearly with partners
Consider support for sexual health if desired (medical, therapeutic, or educational)
3. Meaning-Making: The Narrative Rewrite
Midlife often brings an identity crisis—Who am I beyond my roles? What matters now? This questioning, while disorienting, is also developmentally appropriate and potentially liberating.
Questions for Exploration:
What stories about myself am I ready to retire?
What parts of me were silenced that want to speak now?
What brings me alive versus what I think I "should" do?
How do I want to spend my remaining decades on this planet?
Practices for Meaning-Making:
Journaling: Regular writing to process and clarify thoughts
Values clarification: Identifying what truly matters to you now
Legacy work: Contributing to something larger than yourself
Spiritual exploration: Connecting with transcendent meaning (however you define it)
4. Community and Connection: The Antidote to Isolation
Isolation amplifies every aspect of midlife struggle. Connection is not optional—it's neurobiologically essential for regulation, resilience, and joy.
Building Supportive Community:
Seek menopause-informed support: Groups, therapists, or coaches who understand this transition
Prioritize authentic relationships: Quality over quantity in friendships
Set boundaries with energy drains: It's okay to distance from relationships that consistently dysregulate you
Explore new connections: Classes, volunteering, or activities aligned with your emerging interests
The Integration: Living from Your Reorganized Self
As you move through nervous system repair and joy rewiring, you'll notice shifts:
In Your Body:
Less reactive to stress
More capacity for pleasure and rest
Improved sleep and energy regulation
Greater body awareness and trust
In Your Relationships:
Clearer boundaries without defensiveness
More authentic expression of needs and feelings
Less compulsive people-pleasing
Deeper capacity for genuine intimacy
In Your Work/Purpose:
Alignment between values and actions
Less tolerance for meaningless busy-work
More creative risk-taking and authentic expression
Clear priorities about how to spend your time and energy
In Your Spiritual Life:
Increased connection to meaning and transcendence
Greater acceptance of life's impermanence
More embodied presence and gratitude
Deeper trust in your own wisdom
Practical Integration: The Daily Practice
Morning Practice (10-15 minutes):
Regulate: 5 minutes of breathwork or gentle movement
Connect: Set intention for the day aligned with your values
Appreciate: Name three things you're grateful for
Midday Reset (5 minutes):
Check in: Notice your nervous system state
Adjust: What do you need right now? (rest, movement, nourishment, connection?)
Honor: Take one small action based on that need
Evening Integration (10-15 minutes):
Reflect: What brought you joy or meaning today?
Release: What are you ready to let go of from today?
Restore: One nurturing practice before sleep
The Ongoing Journey: This Is Not a Destination
Rewiring your nervous system for joy isn't a one-time achievement—it's an ongoing practice of choosing life-affirming patterns over survival-based ones. Some days will feel more integrated than others. Some seasons will require more regulation and less activation. This is normal and healthy.
What matters is the overall trajectory: Are you generally moving toward more agency, authenticity, and aliveness? Are you partnering with your biology rather than fighting it? Are you honoring both your healing needs and your growth edges?
A Note on Professional Support
While these practices can support nervous system rewiring, please consider professional help if you're experiencing:
Persistent depression or anxiety that interferes with daily life
Trauma symptoms that feel overwhelming or intrusive
Relationship conflicts that seem intractable
Substance use as a primary coping strategy
Thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness
Types of Support That Help:
EMDR or somatic trauma therapy for processing stored experiences
Menopause-informed therapy that understands hormonal impacts on mental health
Medical consultation for hormonal support options
Nervous system-informed coaching for practical life integration
Support groups for community and normalization
The Emergence: Your Authentic Self
What emerges from the midlife cocoon isn't a return to who you were—it's a integration of all your parts into something more whole. The survivor and the thriver. The wounded and the wise. The careful and the courageous.
You're not recovering from menopause. You're discovering what was always possible beneath the survival strategies.
The brain scans don't lie: post-menopausal women demonstrate measurable neural adaptations that support cognitive flexibility, emotional regulation, and creative problem-solving. Your biology is literally supporting your becoming.
This is your invitation: Stop trying to get back to who you were before perimenopause began. Start exploring who you're becoming as your nervous system reorganizes for authenticity, agency, and joy.
The cocoon was never the ending. It was the transformation.
Closing Thoughts: The Ripple Effect
When you do the work of rewiring your nervous system for joy, it doesn't just change you—it changes everyone around you. Your children witness a model of authentic aging. Your partnerships become more honest and intimate. Your friendships deepen and become more mutual. Your work becomes more aligned and meaningful.
This is how individual healing becomes collective healing. This is how the stigma around menopause begins to dissolve. This is how we create a culture where midlife women are not just surviving—they're thriving.
Your nervous system is not broken. Your joy is not frivolous. Your emergence is not selfish.
You are exactly where you need to be, learning exactly what you need to learn, becoming exactly who you're meant to become.
The wings are no longer coming. They're here.
About the Author
Julie Cardoza, MS, LMFT, RYT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, trauma consultant, and menopause-informed mental health educator based in California. She is the founder of Heartscapes, LLC, where she offers holistic coaching and wellness programs for midlife women, including her signature Radiant Reframe™ method. Julie specializes in the intersection of trauma, neurobiology, and hormonal transition, bringing a compassionate, body-based, and science-informed approach to healing and transformation during the menopause midjourney.
Connect with Julie:
Therapy & Consultation: www.juliecardoza.com
Coaching & Creative Wellness: www.heartscapesllc.com
Instagram: @heartscapes_llc | @jcardzlmft
Key References
Mosconi, L. et al. (2021). Menopause impacts human brain structure, connectivity, energy metabolism, and amyloid-beta deposition. Scientific Reports, 11, 10867
Mosconi, L. (2024). The Menopause Brain: New Science Empowers Women to Navigate the Pivotal Transition with Knowledge and Confidence
Porges, S. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation
Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence
Thurston, R.C. et al. (2025). Menopause as a biological and psychological transition. Nature Reviews Psychology
Disclaimer
This blog is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
While Julie Cardoza is a licensed mental health professional, this blog is not a substitute for psychotherapy or medical care. Any tools or practices referenced here are intended to support wellbeing and self-awareness—not to diagnose or treat medical or psychiatric conditions.
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